So, I want to forget a notebook...really? Well, yes actually. Sadly, this notebook contains the written record of the anguish, betrayal, pain and absolute heartbreak of leaving, trying to return and the inevitable ultimate separation with my beloved former congregation and my Torah teacher and mentor for eight years.
Yes, I want to forget the harsh words, the pleading, the lies - anyone would, to be sure. I want to block from all memory the unexplained anger, the unaccepted apologies, the ungodly frustration and unthinkable accusations. I never want to see needless character assassination like that again - to me or anyone else. Some might say it was all misunderstandings, and I would say there were a lot of bad assumptions, but I guess that's all written in there, too.
There is more that I would desire to forget than just what is contained in this notebook, I'm sad to say. I'd like to forget the nagging questions of why would that happen and how could anyone who claims faith in a loving, compassionate and forgiving G-d do that to a member of their 'family', a supposed close friend. I want to forget the wasted time and potential, the unjust condemnation, the destructive secrets...
*heavy sigh*
It is what it is. And, anyone in my position would surely want to forget...I'd love to have had it not happen in the first place. I know everything happens for a reason, of course; any believer would affirm that the LORD has our best interests at heart and that there must be a bigger picture here, somehow...but I have said it many times that I felt it didn't have to be this way. For me, forgetting is not happening anytime soon.
Forgiving, yes.
Forgetting? Not hardly.
[Ironically, this particular challenge prompt falls on Memorial Day, a day of remembering those who have given all they had to preserve our national and political freedom, as well as my 19th wedding anniversary.]
4 comments:
I agree - I'd like to forget it all, too. Being used for the purpose of getting at my friend, being considered as unable to think on my own, is something I hope never happens again to me or anyone else. It's shameful and egregious to see those I considered godly leaders to treat those under their care in such a manner.
I'm so sorry that this is something that happened. I love you!!
I am happy that it's your anniversary, though. Happy Day to the Hendersons!!
A collection of pain. It's beyond heartbreaking, my friend.
This whole situation beggars belief, and yet I know it to be true. Would never have believed that "believers" could and did systematically destroy another believer. Keep strong,Liz. The Eternal Himself is your defense against this and He will not be mocked.
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